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19 October 2016 @ 08:00 am
FIC: Because He Said He Loves You and You're Not Ready to Say It Back Yet (Draco/Harry, R)  
Title: Because He Said He Loves You and You're Not Ready to Say It Back Yet
Author: gracerene
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Rating: R
Word Count: ~1,100
Content/Warnings: second person POV, established relationship, intergluteal, frottage, some angst?
Summary: "I love you," he says, like it doesn't cost him anything to say it, like cracking open his ribs and handing you his heart is as easy as breathing.

You know better.

Author's Notes: Ending on kind of an experimental note, but it seemed appropriate somehow, given what a massive experiment this series started out as. Two years ago to the month, I saw this idea on the internet and felt inspired in a way I'd never been before. I'd been thinking abstractly about writing fanfic for a while, but that night I went home and wrote my first fic. I've written a lot of words and fics since then, but this series will always have a super special place in my heart. It's a little bittersweet to finally finish, but I'm so pleased to reach the finish line. Thank you so much to everybody who has read, commented, and left kudos along the way. You guys are the best! I hope you enjoy this final installment.

Thanks to capitu and fantasyfiend09 for looking this over for me! I played around with it a bit since, so all remaining mistakes are my own.

50 Reasons to Have Sex Masterlist

Read on AO3

"I love you," he says, like it doesn't cost him anything to say it, like cracking open his ribs and handing you his heart is as easy as breathing.

You know better.

You kiss him, then, a messy press of lips and harsh, panting breaths. It's hot and heavy and consuming to cover the sound of the words you don't say back.

Can't say back.

You hope he doesn't notice, but you wouldn't bet on it. He's an Auror, so much more perceptive than people give him credit for, and he knows you. He knows you better than you'd like to admit. Knows you better than you wish he did. So you hope he understands why you're tearing off his clothing and pressing him back against the bed, keeping your lips occupied with things other than speaking.

Love is powerful, dangerous. If anybody in the world knows what it can do, it should be him. You don't understand how he can be so free with it, so careless and generous. Part of you wants to scream at him, ask him how he could be so stupid, demand to know what on earth would possess him to fall in love with somebody like you. You satisfy yourself with biting at his mouth instead, tugging at the soft, vulnerable flesh of his bottom lip until he bucks and moans beneath you.

Doesn't he understand that you could destroy him? Is his faith in you so strong that he thinks you won't?

Holding Harry Potter's heart is a powerful thing, and with great power, comes great responsibility—isn't that how the saying goes? You've never been good with power, not great with responsibility either. You're weak and greedy, selfish and lazy. You know this about yourself, now. Best not to be tempted. Better to stay far away from the darkness and bask in the glow of the always-watchful sun.

How silly of you to forget that shadows can't exist without the light.

He's the brightest fucking light you've ever seen.

The room is hot and dim. It would be silent but for the sounds of your heavy breaths and desperate whines. Your hands and lips wander over tan, glistening skin. He feels so good. He always feels so good. His emerald eyes are hooded and dark, emotion pooling so close to the surface. He's open to you, utterly, completely. Something inside you shudders and snaps, a cord pulled too taut. It starts to unravel.

You can't bear to see him.

You can't bear for him to see you.

He rolls over without protest at your gentle command. You like his face: those one-of-a-kind eyes, that clever mouth, the strong jaw, and even that hideous scar. But as much as you like looking at his face, you like him best like this. There's something so graceful, strong, and strangely vulnerable about the slope of his spine, the arch of his exposed neck, the swell of his arse. It never fails to inspire something feral and possessive in you, a feeling of wild desire surging deep inside your chest. You hope the tidal wave of passion will flood out all the messier emotions wreaking havoc in your gut.

It works, and it doesn't. The lust is there, near-blinding in its intensity, but it only seems to magnify everything else, until you're certain that the human body wasn't meant to contain so much feeling without going mad.

You kiss up his back, tilt his head to kiss his mouth, hope that he can't feel your hands shaking, pray that you can burn off some of this emotion before it burns you up from the inside out.

You're hard, have been since he said those three little words, since he shared his secret with such confidence and clarity. Wetness smears against the small of his back, and you slide slickly against the fevered skin. You want to be close to him, as close as you can get. You want to crawl inside of him, exist in the beat of his heart and the rush of his breath.

You sit back to admire him, run your fingers over his familiar hills and valleys. It's instinct when you pull his cheeks apart and slide between them. He shudders, thighs flexing, arse clenching. He feels incredible, but it's not enough.

It's never enough.

It's not until you're settled on top of him—your chest plastered against the smooth skin of his back—that the beast inside you purrs with satisfaction. You press between the perfect mounds of his arse, hot and slick and tight. With a pleased sigh, you lace your fingers with his and begin to move against him. He arches to meet you, matching you thrust for thrust, just as he always does.

The air shimmers. Your pulse races. Blood pumps overtime as friction pushes you closer and closer to a glorious end. Harry cries out beneath you, his body tensing, his fingers spasming in your hand.

He comes, and you follow, because you always follow him, Salazar, fuck, anywhere, everywhere.

Pleasure, and then thrilling, terrifying, exhilarating knowledge bursts through you, exploding out like a curse through your veins. You sag against his back with the nerve-wracking weight of it.

You cast a careless cleaning spell. It's not like you to be careless—he'll notice that—but it can't be helped. You're wrung out, bone-deep exhausted in every conceivable way, and you're half-surprised you manage to tap into your magic at all.

He curls around you, a protective shield, ready to defend at a moment's notice. But who's going to protect you from him?

Who's going to protect him from you?

You feel the dangerous words bubble up, clawing at your throat like razors, begging to be set free into the world. Once they pour out of your mouth, you can't suck them back in. They'll become living, breathing things, monsters in a pretty package, Veela luring you both in, waiting to strike.

You pull him tight against you, until his legs slot between yours and you feel the brush of his lips against your neck. His hand slides over your heart, and his breath sounds desperate and vulnerable to your ears as it shudders against your skin. Your own breath hitches and stutters, refusing to settle and even out, matching the violent throb of your heart beneath his warm, steady hands.

He has good hands, solid and sturdy. You think that maybe your heart would be safe in them, protected by rough palms and nimble fingers. But thinking isn't the same as knowing, and it's a big risk to take. Too big.

You stay silent and hope he understands.

Fin

I know I said it was the end but...I wanted to do a little something to thank all of you amazing readers for supporting this series. I'm taking prompts, and I'd love to hear from you. Check out my tumblr or livejournal post for details! <3
 
 
 
carpemermaid: Default Dancarpemermaid on October 19th, 2016 03:37 pm (UTC)
Awww, yay! I can't believe this has come to an end! Congratulations on finishing it! I still have a lot of the reasons to catch up on :D ♥
wicked smut goddessgracerene on October 19th, 2016 04:07 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much, lovely! Indeed, when I first started this series, I didn't realize that I was committing myself to over 80k worth of words! Luckily they come in bite-sized bits, perfect for reading slowly over a period of time. ;)
ravenclawsquill: Ravenclawravenclawsquill on October 19th, 2016 04:05 pm (UTC)
This is a spectacular piece of writing; a masterful use of the tricky second person narrative.

I could feel Draco's fear in the pit of my stomach.

You want to be close to him, as close as you can get. You want to crawl inside of him, exist in the beat of his heart and the rush of his breath.

He comes, and you follow, because you always follow him, Salazar, fuck, anywhere, everywhere.

Just lovely. My heart hurts.

What a bittersweet finale!
wicked smut goddessgracerene on October 19th, 2016 04:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, hon! I've never written in 2nd person before, and I was a little nervous about it, but it just felt right for some reason. And it seemed a fitting ending, this sort of introspective bittersweet piece, given my feelings on finishing up the series!

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! <33
kerrilee75: pic#126363778kerrilee75 on October 19th, 2016 05:16 pm (UTC)

Omg!!! Is it possible to hate you and love you at the same time?!? What am amazing and powerful 1100 words. Seriously, how did you put so much into them and wring so much emotion out!?! I'm wrecked over this. *clutches heart*

The POV is so perfect for this. What a brilliant note to end this on. Just brilliant. ❤️

wicked smut goddessgracerene on October 19th, 2016 08:42 pm (UTC)
LOL!! <333

Gosh, I'm so thrilled this worked so well for you, hon! I was a little nervous about the 2nd person POV, since I know it's not everybody's cup of tea, but something about it just seemed right.

Thank you so much for such a lovely comments, and for all of your lovely comments on the series. ♥
Bring forth the tale of dicksbirdsofshore on October 19th, 2016 06:00 pm (UTC)
This was BEAUTIFUL, grace, and I didn't even notice the 2nd person POV until I saw the comments. It worked especially well because I think we are all crazy for Harry in that way. This resonated for me:

He's the brightest fucking light you've ever seen.

I stopped and thought, he's the brightest fucking light any of us have ever seen, that's at least in part the reason why so many of us are obsessed with this bloody fandom! ♥

It's a gorgeous piece to end with and I love the way you didn't capitulate, but stayed true to the prompt and to Draco's reservations. I'm sure Harry understands. I loved the lyrical sex and the very sensual descriptions, so intense and emotional. Lovely stuff.
wicked smut goddessgracerene on October 19th, 2016 08:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, Birds! Something about this ficlet just begged to be told in 2nd person, and I'm so thrilled it worked so well for you that you didn't even really notice. :D

Given the somewhat bittersweet feelings I have about completing the series, this definitely felt like an appropriate ending piece. I wanted to maintain Draco's fears and reservatons throughout the fic, but still show that the feeling is there, and hopefully give off the impression that he'll get there eventually, and Harry, being the brigth fucking light that he is, won't mind waiting for him. :D

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment and for being so amazing throughout my writing journey! Your comments on this series (and on all of my fics) have really meant a lot to me. <3
welcome to villa cariño!capitu on October 19th, 2016 07:22 pm (UTC)
Would you believe me if I tell you I'm brimming with emotions about this. This is simply fantastic. It's beautiful and powerful, Draco's POV is so fucking perfect, the way he feels, the way Harry makes him feel; it's mad and intense and absolutely perfect.

I don't know what to say. It's amazing. You are amazing. <3
wicked smut goddessgracerene on October 19th, 2016 08:43 pm (UTC)
Awww, I'll absolutely believe you! <3

I'm so glad you liked this one, hon! It's definitely one of my personal favorites.

You're amazing right back! ♥
writcraftwritcraft on October 19th, 2016 08:51 pm (UTC)
This is absolutely beautiful, Grace. What a triumph of delicious, varied, fun and HOT fics you've produced during this process. It shows not only your lovely writing but also your amazing organisation skills and hard work keeping this series going. I'm so proud of you, many congrats for completing the series!

On this one in particular I'm such a sucker for second person and this works so perfectly, emphasising the cautious way Draco attempts to keep that distance even when the reader can gauge he's already falling (or fallen) for Harry. Poetic and lovely, with some super imagery.

Loved it!
wicked smut goddessgracerene on October 20th, 2016 12:50 am (UTC)
Thank you so much!! I'm really pleased that I managed to finish all 50 Reasons, though it's definitely a little bittersweet!

And I'm glad you enjoyed this one! This is my first 2nd person POV, and it's a POV I tend to be much pickier about reading, but it wasn't even really a conscious decision to write this one in 2nd person, it just sort of happened. :D

Thank you so much again for your lovely words here and your support/comments on many other fics in the series. <3
Melissa Rose_melodic_ on October 20th, 2016 12:23 am (UTC)
This is just divine!! Wow, so damn gorgeous. I have such a guilty pleasure for 2nd person POV when it's done right and damnnn was it done to pure perfection here.

The imagery is so vivid and rich and beautiful. My heart just ached along with Draco, with all his fears and deep scars that caused him such reluctance and trepidation in repeating the words back to Harry.

What a wonderful way to finish this series off.

Congrats on the whole thing! What an ambitious project that you pulled over so perfectly! I think I still need to catch up on the earlier ones!

Thanks for sharing such lovely pieces! <3
wicked smut goddessgracerene on October 20th, 2016 12:53 am (UTC)
Thank you so much, hon! I'm really particular about 2nd person POV myself, so I was a little nervous about this one, but I'm really pleased it worked for you! <3

You're the sweetest, hon! Your comments have been so lovely, and I've really appreciated the support! I hope you enjoy the earlier fics if you find time to give them a read! <33
Reckless Passionlauren3210 on October 20th, 2016 09:02 am (UTC)
Oh my fucking God, Grace! This ficlet is fucking brilliant, in all kinds of inspirational, awe-inspiring, and slightly intimidating ways, and I fucking love it!

2nd person is so fucking hard to write, and I have never, not once, even attempted to do it myself, because it really only belongs in the hands of the extreme professionals. 2nd person exists in the fine balance between introspection and revelation, and it's almost impossible to get it right without sliding into either lecturing or a disconnection from the character. And you did it perfectly, with ease and such beautiful, powerful imagery, and I am fucking speechless over it. You are an absolute fic-writing Goddess, my darling.

Some of my fave lines (although I could just quote the whole thing back at you and be done with it tbh):

"I love you," he says, like it doesn't cost him anything to say it, like cracking open his ribs and handing you his heart is as easy as breathing. -- God, what a fucking way to begin, the visceral quality of the metaphor and how it perfectly expresses both the terror that Draco feels for Harry for handing him this power, and what falling in love means for him; a terrifying, horrible thing to be avoided at all costs.

Love is powerful, dangerous. If anybody in the world knows what it can do, it should be him. -- what a subtle, yet beautiful reminder of Harry's story.

They'll become living, breathing things, monsters in a pretty package, Veela luring you both in, waiting to strike. -- This is pure poetry, I can't even express how much I love it.

I'm feeling a mixture of things right now: pride, awe, inspired. I'm amazed, and also totally unsurprised, because this is you, and you're fucking brilliant.

Well fucking done, Grace. This is a masterpiece of a (pseudo) finish, and I really hope you're proud of it, because you damn well should be. ♥ ♥ ♥
wicked smut goddessgracerene on October 20th, 2016 04:45 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness, hon, this comment was SUCH a treat to wake up to!!!

I am totally with you on 2nd person, which was why I was a little nervous about this one. I never thought I would ever write in it, but it wasn't even really a conscious decision. I sat down to write, and 2nd person just flowed out. It was a little bizarre, actually! I can't tell you how happy I am that it worked so well for you!

The lines you pulled out are some of my favorites, so I'm so thrilled they resonated with you! The Veela line gave me some trouble, as I really loved the comparison and I had a perfect idea of what I wanted to convey, and nailing it down into words was a little trickier!

Seriously, this comment made me beyond happy, and I'm so grateful that you took the time to leave me these lovely words! Your support of the series with your comments and especially your betaing, has been just the best! Thank you so much for everything, hon! ♥ ♥
fantasyfiend09fantasyfiend09 on November 6th, 2016 10:39 pm (UTC)
Oh my god this was good. I feel worn out from the emotional journey I went on with Draco. My heart was pounding right along with his.

I love that you created so much tension and it all felt so organic: growing from who Draco is. It was not at all the writer-delaying-the-happy-ending tension that created just to torment the reader. It was a perfect slice in time of where things are between these two complicated men who have lived through so much. Draco was completely in character and that made it even easier to share his fears and needs.

I also love that the story is about Draco not saying he loves Harry, and yet the whole story shows just how much he does. Beautiful.
wicked smut goddessgracerene on November 7th, 2016 02:56 am (UTC)
♥ ♥ ♥

Thank you so much, lovely! You are the best!!
felixfvlicisfelixfvlicis on March 12th, 2017 03:14 am (UTC)
This broke my heart but in the best of ways. I ache for Draco, because I am him, here, suspended in this moment, which is probably why it affected me so much.

Like Harry, Draco has experienced the familiar pain of being the other. Yes, he was loved, but it was never enough, it never fit quite right (but Harry's love does, and that's what scares him). He had expectations to live up to, and unlike Harry, he failed, but that is where his loss comes from.

His fear runs so deep, it's shackled to his ankles, and he just can't, no matter how much he wants to. It breaks my heart.

My god, what a wonderful story. The way you used the sex as a vehicle for Draco to tell his story ... it was perfect. I'll be bookmarking this.

You are immensely talented. I hope you know this. Please never stop writing.

wicked smut goddessgracerene on March 12th, 2017 07:57 pm (UTC)
Oh gosh, thank you so very much for this wonderful comment!! This was a really special reason for me, and I'm always so thrilled when it speaks to people. <3