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11 March 2016 @ 08:05 am
H/D Fic: Not Just When You Want to Be - Epilogue  
Title: Not Just When You Want to Be
Author: gracerene
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Draco/Harry, Draco/Astoria, Harry/Ginny, background Ron/Hermione, mention of Draco/OMCs
Rating: eventual NC-17
Word Count: ~1,400/~37,000
Content/Warnings: post-war, post-hogwarts, auror Harry, professional Seeker Draco, blow jobs, fingering, first time, anal sex, rimming, intergluteal sex, comeplay, switching, fuck buddies, epilogue-compliant
Summary: More than a year after the end of the war, fate seems intent on pushing Harry and Draco together.

Read on AO3

Previous Chapter on LJ

Epilogue

It was dark in his study, the only light coming from the fire crackling in the grate. It cast a deceptively cosy glow about the room, the shadows flickering attractively over every surface. Draco warmed himself by the fire. He sipped a glass of expensive Firewhisky and occasionally tilted the glass up to watch the play of firelight reflect off the amber liquid.

That morning's Prophet was still lying on the end table, turned towards the announcements section. Normally, the page would be filled with a myriad of tiny, text proclamations of weddings and births and sometimes even separations. Not today. Today, the entire page was dedicated to a single wedding announcement. The happy couple waved and smiled cheerily out at Draco before they lost themselves in each other's eyes. They really did look lovely together, so perfectly, charmingly in love. Draco felt sick.

It's official! Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley to tie the knot next year!

The headline mocked him as Harry swept a lock of Ginny's hair behind her ear. She blushed prettily in black and white. True love didn't need colour.

Draco had known it was coming. He had been preparing himself for months, but he had been entirely unable to protect himself from the pain that had lanced through him when he'd come upon the announcement unawares that morning. It was just the shock, was all, realising that it was finally happening, that Harry was really getting married. It was for the best, Draco knew it was, and he was sure, with time, this debilitating agony would subside. It was fine. He was fine.

The shattering of glass as his tumbler hit the fireplace, alcohol sparking bright among the embers, was immensely satisfying.

~~~~~


"This is quite the change of heart, Draco," Astoria murmured, before taking a delicate sip of tea.

"I realised you were right, of course. I have no desire to get myself disowned or kicked off the team for my...lifestyle. The only solution is to marry, and since you so generously offered…."

"An offer that you had refused, the last time I checked. Something about me not having the right bits? And you were involved with somebody..."

Draco let a flippant, practised smile steal over his face. "Oh, that was only a bit of fun. And I'm confident we'll work something out for the rest. Like I said, you were right. This way, everybody wins. You won't get married off to some ugly bore, and I won't be married off to some poor thing who's expecting me to ravish her. Most importantly, we get our parents off our backs, and we both get to marry our best friends."

She smiled softly, but her eyes lost none of their sharpness. "So this has nothing to do with the fact that Harry Potter got married yesterday?"

Draco pulled on every last ounce of his composure to keep his expression neutral, despite the fact that his heart felt like it was being strangled. Apparently his complete lack of reaction was reaction enough, and Astoria raised her eyebrows.

"I suppose Potter's...wedding maybe have influenced me somewhat. Seeing my former rival getting married and settling down reminded me of the necessity of getting my own affairs in order."

Draco gave Astoria a bland smile. He thought back to the previous night, sitting in his study staring at the ticking clock, counting down the moments since Harry had said "I Do." Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He had Apparated into the alleyway of the familiar Muggle club that he and Theo used to frequent after the war, a place he hadn't been since he'd started regularly seeing Harry. He spent hours letting the burn of alcohol, the thud of the bass, and the hot press of bodies empty his mind. Then he'd grabbed the first attractive bloke he'd seen and fucked him with brutal efficiency in the back room. It wasn't until after he came that he had fully noticed the dark, artfully messy hair and thinly muscled body beneath him. He left with a mumbled apology and an empty, hollow feeling in his chest.

When he had woken up that morning, Draco had known that it was time to stop wallowing and get his life on track. Harry had made his choice, and Draco wasn't going to spend the rest of his life dreaming of what could've been.

Astoria didn't look completely convinced by his answer, but she didn't push it. Instead, she reached for his hand across the table and squeezed. "I know this may not be what either of us would have chosen for ourselves, but I'm happy it's you."

Draco gave her a small smile, but he knew that it didn't reach his eyes.


"I'm happy, too."

~~~~~


Once again, the announcement page of the Daily Prophet taunted him. Draco wished he was strong enough to banish the section entirely, but he knew that he would only desperately wonder what he had missed. Besides, he felt fairly certain it couldn't get any worse than this.

Draco could admit, in the deepest pits of his most secret heart, that despite Harry's marriage, Draco's engagement, and the fact that it had been over a year and a half since they'd even seen each other...despite all that, there was still the smallest part of Draco that thought maybe Harry would come back to him. He knew it was mad, and he'd tried his very best to squash down that bit of resilient hope, but still it remained. Sure, Harry had married Ginny, but marriages dissolved every day. Draco's engagement had been announced ages ago, but they had yet to set a date, and engagements were even more easily broken than marriages. He never consciously thought about it, never let that splinter of hope get so far as fantasy, but Draco could not deny it had been there, playing in the back of his mind.

He could feel it in the way he always managed to evade giving any of his friends a straight answer about when his wedding would actually take place. It was there as he deflected pointed questions from Astoria's mother, and gentle coaxing from his own. It was present in the unanswered letter lying on his desk from Astoria, asking him if he ever planned on actually marrying her. The hope persisted, preventing him from committing to her, from tying himself down and placing another barrier between himself and the man he loved. It survived Harry and Ginny's wedding, the pictures in the Prophet of their domestic bliss, and even the time that Draco had seen them in Diagon Alley, holding hands and looking every inch the newlyweds they were. The hope would not die.

Until now.

The Chosen One's First Child; Ginny Potter confirms, "I'm Pregnant!"

Nothing like a baby to ruin everything.

Draco knew, knew with absolute certainty, that there was no way that Harry would leave Ginny now. Any small flicker of hope Draco might have had about him and Harry getting their happily ever after was firmly extinguished with that announcement. That was part of the reason why they never would have worked out in the first place—Ginny could give Harry something that Draco never could.

He had thought that he'd put the past behind him when Harry had gotten married, and Draco had vowed to move on. But he realised now, that a part of him had been holding back, hoping that Harry would decide that they'd made a mistake. But Harry wasn't coming back, they hadn't made a mistake, and it was time for Draco to well and truly start living his life.

Draco picked up his quill and wrote out a quick letter, calling his owl over and handing him the rolled up parchment. Yes, it was time for Draco to move on, and leave this Harry nonsense behind him for good.

Astoria,

How do you feel about an August wedding?

Soon to be Yours,

DM
 
 
 
Amillaeyro on March 11th, 2016 05:26 pm (UTC)
Bide your time Draco, it'll be alright in the end! ♥♥♥

Gosh, we made it! I didn't cry, but there's a lot of inner turmoil going on right now. I may have to come back in a day or two to tell you how I actually feel about this fic as a whole, cause right now I can't even brain. There are just too many feels to process! Well done my lovely x
wicked smut goddessgracerene on March 12th, 2016 05:24 pm (UTC)
Indeed!

I'm so thrilled you enjoyed, darling, and it's been so lovely having you follow along and comment on this as it posted. This was definitely a labor of love for me, and it's made me so happy to hear about you enjoying it! :D
sabrinasmom3 on March 13th, 2016 11:26 pm (UTC)
I read all 3 parts of this series last night and this morning, in chronological order, not the order it looks like they were written. I loved them all, but the end of this one broke my heart. [Spoiler Alert] The allusions in Midnight helped, but I am really hoping there will be additional parts to expand on it. Please?
wicked smut goddessgracerene on March 15th, 2016 02:28 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you've enjoyed the series so far! I do indeed have an H/D sequel planned that will take place between What I'm Waiting to Find and Midnight. :D