wicked smut goddess (gracerene) wrote,
wicked smut goddess

H/D Fic: All of the Time - Chapter 5

Title: All of the Time
Author: gracerene
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Draco/Harry, past Draco/Astoria and Harry/Ginny, background Ron/Hermione, James Sirius/Teddy
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~2,700/21,000
Content/Warnings: past relationship, wanking, sexual fantasy, anal fingering, anal sex, tattoos
Summary: Twenty-five years later, Harry and Draco find their way back to one another.

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Chapter 5

Draco was late.

Harry tried to tell himself not to worry. It was only by a couple of minutes, and Draco had always been late back when they'd been seeing one another, but it didn't stop the beginnings of panic from creeping in. This was just two old...friends (lovers, acquaintances, enemies?) getting lunch. It wasn't a date. It wasn't anything serious, but Harry wanted it to be the beginning of something. He wanted to know if that flicker of heat he felt in his belly every time he saw Draco was just the echo of a long-ago flame, or a quietly burning ember waiting to reignite.

Harry was just beginning to debate the merits of sending Draco a politely inquiring owl, when the man in question appeared in the door to the restaurant. Harry's chest expanded as he took in the fine tailoring of his navy robes and subtle silver accents. He was beautiful, and Harry ached for him. This didn't feel like some pathetic attempt to revive a ghostly memory of the past. The blood pumping through his veins was hot and real as it carried desire out to every last inch of Harry's body. He closed his eyes against the sudden and unexpected onslaught, reminding himself that he was in a public restaurant, and that Draco had only barely agreed to a friendly lunch. No need to scare him off just yet.

Satisfied he had himself under control, Harry opened his eyes and waved Draco over. Draco moved with the same easy grace he always had, but Harry caught the underlying tension in his movements. Harry wasn't the only one who felt off-kilter.

"I'm glad you could make it, Draco."

Draco let out a small, tight-lipped smile as he sat across from Harry. "Yes, well, you're a hard man to say no to."

Harry bit his tongue to keep from responding, surprised by the sudden flash of bitterness that had flooded through him at Draco's words. Draco hadn't seemed to have much difficulty saying no when he'd walked away from Harry all those years ago. Harry frowned. No, that wasn't fair. Draco may have said no, but Harry had never made it clear that he'd been asking a question in the first place. Harry had never said the words aloud, had never made them real. He'd asked in a million little gestures, in a thousand tender expressions, and in countless desperate moans against Draco's fevered skin, but neither of them had ever spelled things out.

"Ah, well, err, how are you?"

Draco's lips quirked as he looked over the menu. "I'm quite well, thank you for asking. And yourself?"

"Oh, um, I'm also...well." Fuck, Harry felt like an idiot. He wasn't usually so lost for words, but being in Draco's presence again and knowing he had an entire lunch with Draco, was making Harry feel a little out of his depth.

An awkward silence fell over the table, and Harry felt pathetically grateful when the waitress came over to tell them about the specials. His brain scrambled for a conversation topic to bring up once they finished ordering. "How has work been going? Puddlemere's doing especially well this year."

Draco nodded, his body seeming to relax the tiniest fraction."Yes, the team's in great shape. We're still second in the league, but I think this could be our year to take first." He took a small sip of wine and tipped his glass towards Harry. "Thanks, in no small part, to James. This is his best year yet."

Harry smiled proudly. "It is, isn't it? I think it's partially because of Teddy. He's happy."

"Yes, he is." There was something almost wistful in Draco's tone. A sort of longing that Harry recognised in himself.

"He told me he's been thinking about coming out. Officially."

Draco's eyes turned thoughtful. "Yes, we've been talking over the best approach to take. The team will, of course, support him whatever he chooses. He's already come out to the team, and the players seem to be taking things well. Of course, they've already had to get used to a gay manager, so that helps. He's quite brave, your Gryffindor son. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised."

"He's not the only brave one." Draco looked at him in faint disbelief. "No, really. You think it wasn't brave, sticking things out after you'd been outed? It can't have been easy. I know you weren't playing anymore, but I'd imagine there were plenty of people who wanted you gone. You stuck your ground, and you've made things easier for people like my son to come after you."

Draco eyes were carefully guarded. Harry wanted to know what it would take for Harry to be granted the right to see the emotion swirling just under the obscured surface. "You're right, it wasn't easy. Things were...difficult for a long time after that, and there are still those who treat me differently. I don't know that I would say I was brave, though. I didn't choose to come out. I kept myself locked away until I was forced to deal with it."

"You did what you felt like you had to do to survive in the world and the industry. The important thing is that, once you were forced out, you didn't hide it, and you didn't run away. You're the best manager Puddlemere's seen in a long time, and you reminded people of that. Seeing a gay man be successful as a Quidditch manager is part of why James feels like he has the choice to come out his way without destroying his career."

Draco seemed to be at a loss for words. He stared at Harry forcefully, as if Harry was some kind of puzzle Draco was failing to solve. "I—thank you for saying that. I'm certainly glad James feels he has options. It will be hard for him, but hopefully less difficult than it was for me. He has his family, and Teddy, and the support of the team and I...I think he'll do fine."

Harry knew Draco was right, though he couldn't help but feel worried about the consequences of James's decision, and the inevitable backlash. It was a parent's right to worry, but he knew that James had to make his own choices. As safe as it may be to downplay his sexuality, that wasn't a decision Harry could make for him. At the end of the day, he just wanted his son to be happy, and he'd do whatever it took to help make that happen.

"Speaking of children, how are Albus and Lily?"

"They're doing well. Lily is still living with her mother while she studies to be a solicitor; she wants to follow in Hermione's footsteps working advocating for the legal rights of Magical Beings." Harry watched Draco's face as he mentioned Hermione and Magical Beings, looking for any possible signs of contempt, but Draco, much to Harry's satisfaction, merely looked politely inquiring. "As for Albus, well, you probably know as much about him as I do. He and Scorpius are thick as thieves. I know Albus is doing well as a Healer trainee, and I don't ask for too many details about the rest."

"Ah yes, those two make quite the pair, don't they? Since they've been out of Hogwarts, I don't know whether to be happy I'm no longer receiving an owl a week about their antics, or worried that there's no longer anybody keeping them in check."

Harry laughed. "I know what you mean. But they're good kids, both of them. They're having fun, but I don't think we've got to worry too much about them."

"Yes, I think you're right."

There was another beat of silence, and Harry pulled a stray thought out of his head and gave it voice. "Astoria. I remember she was one of your best friends, and Scorpius mentioned you two were still close. How is she doing? She moved out of the country after your divorce, right?"

Draco took another drink of wine, swishing it around in his mouth before swallowing and responding. "Yes, Astoria and I are still close. The divorce was entirely amicable. She knew who I was before we got married, and we had a long-standing agreement that if either of us fell in love, we would call it a day. She met a man in Spain, a painter. He's a little—" Draco waved his hand around in a gesture Harry could only interpret as one of those artistic types, "—for my tastes, but he's quite attractive and very talented. They're mad for each other." That wistful expression crossed Draco's face again for only a moment, flickering over the polite façade like an eerie apparition. "I gave her away at their wedding, you know. It was a lovely ceremony."

As Draco spoke, it hit Harry again how much time had passed since they'd last been in each other's lives. This Draco had years and years of experiences that Harry didn't know the first thing about. It was strange, thinking about all that there was still left to know about Draco Malfoy. Yet, with all of those unknown loves and losses, triumphs and failures, Harry still felt like he knew Draco. A deeper knowledge that transcended time and space.

"I'm happy to hear that."

Draco opened his mouth, hesitating for a moment before asking, "What about you and your ex-wife?"

A strange sense of déjà vu washed over Harry. He remembered their first lunch together all of those years ago, Draco asking with that same tentative tone about his and Ginny's relationship. Only back then, she'd been his ex-girlfriend, not his ex-wife. Even the thought of the word still sent a tiny sliver of pain pulsing through him, a wound scabbed over but not entirely healed.

"We're...we're fine. I think we're both still working things out, how to be our own people, how to be together and not together. It's still a little hard, but I think the divorce saved our relationship. I don't know what we would have been like in another twenty years. Now, I know we'll be okay. We just need a little time."

"That's—I'm glad. She was always important to you. I'm happy that things didn't end too poorly between you two." Draco's face was creased with understanding, his eyes clear and kind. Harry dug his fingers into his thighs in an effort not to reach out and touch.

The waitress came over with their food and conversation died off as they began to eat, but Harry's mind was not quiet. It was shocking, how strong his feelings were for Draco, even after all these years. He'd be lying if he said that Draco hadn't crossed his mind more frequently than he would have liked over the years, but he'd thought of Draco with a sort of dull ache, wishing that he hadn't had to give him up entirely, wondering what Draco was up to now. He'd certainly never felt like his body might go up in flames if Draco looked at him right.

Beneath all of that want, though, lurked the guilt. It had been less than six months since Ginny and he had separated, and even less than that since they'd been officially divorced. Surely he was a terrible person for moving on so quickly, wasn't he? He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt like this about Ginny. He couldn't remember the last time his beautiful, loving, wonderful wife had made him feel so reckless and alive. Harry knew that she had, once, that there had been a time when he'd felt invincible in her arms. It saddened him, thinking of that loss, ruminating on the years they'd lost by refusing to see they were no longer right for each other. It hurt, remembering that that first bloom of love, the rush of heat that had transmuted into something gentler, deeper. They'd both thought that bond would be unbreakable, that it would weather the passage of time. But it, too, had faded, though it had lasted far longer than the frenzied passion of their newlywed days.

Harry took a bite of lamb, watching with far too much fascination as Draco speared a piece of lettuce and brought it to his lips. He wondered if the same thing that had happened to Ginny and him would happen with Draco, if things ever progressed that far. Would this connection between them fizzle out and die, wither on the vine instead of growing thick and strong?

Merlin, Harry could hardly believe himself, thinking about him and Draco years down the line when they hadn't even been on an official date. Whatever happened between them, Draco wasn't Ginny, and Harry knew he couldn't let fear rule his life. He made his own path, and every cell in him burned with the desire to make that path with Draco.

They continued to talk over lunch, Harry telling old Auror stories, Draco talking about the differences in playing Quidditch versus managing a team. There was an undeniable undercurrent of tension and possibility thrumming between them, but the conversation flowed easily after that initial awkwardness. Harry found himself reluctantly counting down the minutes as the lunch hour ticked away, wishing he could drag things out just a little longer.

After they'd finished with their meal, they walked together towards an alley where they could Disapparate in relative secrecy. Harry turned towards Draco, not sure what to say but knowing he had to say something. Draco was so close, just inches away, his grey eyes vibrant with suppressed feeling. Harry knew that he wasn't the only one who had felt that spark between them.

Their breaths mingled in the cool air, desire crackling between them like wild magic. God, Harry had never wanted to kiss somebody so badly in his entire life. He swayed forwards, lips pulling towards Draco like they'd been magnetised. For a split second, Draco swayed forward too, the brush of their lips a suggestion about to become reality.

Draco stepped back, leaving Harry to waver dizzily and blink over at him in confusion.

"I told you we couldn't be friends," Draco said, voice shaky and expression pained.

"Alright, so let's not just be friends. Go on a date with me." Harry wasn't about to let Draco out of his life so easily, and Harry's divorce meant they were no longer an impossibility.

"And what happens when people see us out together, the infamously gay ex-Death Eater, and the Chosen One eating dinner? Or did you plan on keeping us a secret again?" Draco's previously warm eyes had turned to polished stone.

Harry scowled. "I was never the one who wanted to hide." Even as he said it, he knew that wasn't entirely true. He certainly hadn't wanted to scream about their liaison from the mountain tops, and he hadn't had as much to lose as Draco. Harry knew though, that if Draco had wanted to go public, Harry would've without a second thought.

Draco's lips twisted into an ugly sneer. "No, you were the one who was too cowardly and ashamed to tell your friends."

Harry winced. That wasn't completely a lie, but it certainly wasn't the whole truth, and Draco knew it.

"If I tell them now, will you go out with me?"

Draco's face went slack with shock. "What?"

"If I tell Ron and Hermione that we used to…" Harry waved his hand around to encompass them both, "—and that I still want you, will you go out on a date with me? A proper one."

"Sure, Potter. You tell your friends that you like men, that you like me, and I'll go out to dinner with you." His tone implied this outcome was extremely unlikely, but Harry could hear the thread of hopefulness underlying it. This was a challenge they both wanted Harry to win.

Draco Disapparated with a crack, leaving Harry to stare at the spot where Draco had been a moment earlier, a smile spreading across his face.


Next Chapter
Tags: all of the time, are you mine?, era: epilogue compliant, era: post-hogwarts, fandom: harry potter, my fanfic, no repost, pairing type: slash, pairing: draco/harry, rating: nc-17, trope: past relationship

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